A Day in the Life of a Smartphone
7.48 am I sound the alarm at 7.30 am. She emerges from the covers and puts me on snooze. Ten minutes later I sound the alarm for a second time, and get put on snooze. Again. After making me snooze three times, she’s finally up and using me to check the weather.
Then she gets distracted and starts scrolling through Facebook. Oh no, she’s clicked onto her ex’s profile. Again. And now she’s stalking his latest holiday snaps. I wonder who that girl in the bikini is. Looks like she’s messaging him to ask- this could get messy. I can’t wait for his response. She’s definitely going to be late for work.
8.53 am On the bus I’m retrieved from the depths of the bag so she can text her boss to say she’ll be there in 10 minutes. But I’ve got Google Maps. I know we’ll be at least 20.
As predicted, she arrives at work late. I get hurriedly switched to silent and ignored for the next few hours because at work I get replaced by the big old landline phone. That’s until she wakes me up from my mid-morning nap to tell her mate how bored she is via text. I hope she realises she’s selected the wrong contact. Do not send to that contact! Too late, the message has already gone to her boss…
There’s a new phone in the office. The handset that used to sit on the opposite desk has been replaced. I don’t think much of the new phone; seems a bit flashy to me. He thinks he’s a right James Bond phone just because he’s got a fingerprint scanner. I hope the old phone is ok and enjoying his retirement in the drawer. He was a good guy, if a little slow and battered.
12.30pm Lunch time is a busy time of the day for me. I have loads of apps open at once; she’s checking Facebook and Twitter, texting people, and playing games. Today I’m downloading a new app. All the other phones here at lunch are downloading it too; I think all the humans are going to play on it together. The other phones and I are actually getting quite competitive about it. But I’ll be honest, I’m getting a little full and bloated with all these apps I’m storing. I wish she’d delete some of the ones she never uses. Maybe I’ll send her a warning message about my memory getting full.
The warning helped and now she’s flicking through Tinder, swiping like there’s no tomorrow. Sometimes I really question her taste in men- like him, really?
3.42 pm It was pretty embarrassing when someone phoned just after the tea round and I hadn’t been switched back to silent. I had to blare out her really embarrassing ring tone; it’s that annoying song from Frozen. You know: ‘let it goooo!’ I could see the flashy new phone mocking me from my rear camera lens.
5.35 pm On the way home it’s earphones in and music on. The same music, every day; I can’t wait for her to grow tired of this Taylor Swift song. I know I am!
9.10 pm In the evening my camera gets a work out: it’s selfie time. My camera roll fills up with hundreds of photos of exactly the same pose and she subsequently spends an hour sorting through them, deleting some and editing others. I zoom, crop, filter, blur, brighten…
I’m too tired for this, my battery is getting pretty low – I need some juice! I’ll keep flashing warning low battery messages until she clocks on and plugs me in. 3% battery now… I’m not sure if I’ll make it! Please plug me in!
10.59 pm Phew, in the nick of time I get charged up. Now I can reenergize ready for the night watch – got to have that alarm ready nice and loud for sleepyhead in the morning!
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